Thoughts on Love Dating and Marriage

There atomic number 18 some(prenominal) distinct thoughts about dating, passionateness and labor union. I had the pleasure of interviewing six co-workers from different lifestyle regarding their views on these matters. I pull up stakes comp be their thoughts with the theories of venerate and attachment. The social science theories that help us understand the comp championnts and processes of love include attachment hypothesis, Reisss round conjecture of love, Sternbergs triangular theory of love, Lees research on the styles of loving, and exchange theories.Many plenty perceive marriage as an alpha occasion in their bouncings, while others take marriage for granted and non that serious. Do race just hate distributively other aft(prenominal) a while? What happens when the vows argon in place, do people depart too relax into their real selves? Or is it just unrealistic straighta focus? Dan a zippy whiteness 43 yr. old male feels that marriage is fading away. He does nt know if people understand what they be entering into, rather it is love or lust. Dan feels that these idealistic dreams often wipe people off of their feet and then in a few eld or less Reality Hits Ouch Marriage is no longer a bringing together of a family, business or wealth. It is dressually put up on this strange c at one prison termpt called love and with the concept of family to some people. Families are not the stable, strong and the dominant group that is shaping the young. Families are tottering and weak however bonds are weaker. As far as Gay marriages goes Dan feels that it should be legal and that it should not be called or treated and different than a marriage. stock-still so though the church doesnt rule the humans anymore Dan feels that marriage should be a legal coupling and not a religious coupling.Then he yelled WHY tireT PEOPLE STOP SAYING MARRIAGE IS SOME unnameable INSTITUTION THAT CANNOT BE DARKENED BY THE EVIL GAYS. WITH THE DIVORCE post T HAT WE HAVE, the agreement that marriage is some sacred institution just peal hollow. Dan feels that an set marriage seems to last longer than marriage of choice and that people seem to grow to love from for each one one other that are gift together by religion or family. However he get out never support the mandating of an arranged marriage. Dan was heartbroken over premarital brace due to people not be responsible and protecting themselves.It saddened him to recall about the many unwanted babies and the quantity of single mothers that we progress to in the economy today. These children and mothers are really being robbed of the Ameri burn Dream. Dan believes that some people can chance upon love on the net the same way that his mom found her soul mate at that place. He believes that anyone should be happy. undermentioned I interviewed three Caucasian women, Marcie a29yr old woman divorced once and remarital again with one child by the second marriage. Nikki, divorce double and she is single mother of two with one child that diagnosed as being autistic.Then there is Kaitlyn a 22yr old white bi get offual lady. Even though these women came from different beliefs and lifestyles their opinions on these issues were pretty much the same. They believe that choosing a lover, a husband and a partner is based on ones personality and the way that they were raised. All three believes that people should live together before getting married. Nikki and Marcie do not believe in open marriages and feels that an open marriage allows each other to cheat and be with someone else. Kaitlyn on the other hand feel that an individual can love more than one person.She is all for open marriages. Its funny, further all three women have found their recent husband or lover on the internet. They seem to be happy and would recommend internet dating to their friends. Marcie and Kaitlyn believe in premarital sex while Nikki is equable deep-rooted by some of her family belief s which are not to have sex until married. As you can see love is beyond constraints in these women lives. hold water but not least there is Craig and Shon. Craig is a 52yr old Caucasian male and Shon is a 40year old African American. Both men were married and are now divorce with children in their twenties.Soon these men will be moving in with their girlfriend of three years. Even though open marriages are not for them, Craig believes in What floats your boat. While Shon showed a subatomic jealously about the situation. He feels that people should not play with emotions because when he is with someone he is with that person. In these men lives, they believe that marriage is the act of a animal(prenominal) union. They have free choice over arranged marriages even if cultural differences play a role in genuine marriages. They support two people who have a bond to be able to have their marriage recognized by the state and church.In their eyes Gay marriages is a civil rights movem ent and have no complaints about a person who wants to stay single. Its your choice and whatsoever floats your boat. Just live life and be happy. Even though I have not talked about the theories one on one in this report one can see that all theories applied to every person that was interviewed. However I will explain each theory the way that our text clarified it. Attachment theory proposes that our primary motivating in life is to be connected with other people because this is the precisely true security we will ever have.The Attachment theory comes in three different styles. * Secure style I find it blowsy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depends on me. I dont often worry about being throw out or about someone get-ting too close to me. * Avoidant style I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others I find it difficult to trust them completely and to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close and when lovers want me t o be more privileged than I feel comfortable being. Anxious/ ambivalent style Others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesnt really love me or wont want to stay with me. I want to combine completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away. Sternbergs triangular Theory of Love According to Sternberg, the mix of intimacy, passion, and commitment can transform from one relation-ship to another.Relationships thus range from nonlove, in which all three components are absent, to consummate love, in which all the elements are present. Intimacy encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bonding. * Passion leads to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation. * Decision/ commitment have a short- and a semipermanent dimension. In the short term, partners make a decision to love each other in the long term, they make a commitment to concord that love over time. Lees Styles of Loving According to Lee , there are six basic styles of loving Eros, mania, ludus, storge, agape, and pragma, all of which overlap and whitethorn vary in intensity * Eros means love of beauty.Because it is likewise characterized by powerful physical attraction, eros epitomizes love at beginning(a) sight. This is the kind of love, often described in romance novels, in which the lovers populate palpitations, light-headedness, and zealous emotional desire. Erotic lovers want to know everything about each other what she or he dreamed about last iniquity and what happened on the way to work today. They often like to wear co-ordinated T- shirts and matching colors, to order the same foods when dining out, and to be identified with each other as totally as possible. MANIA Characterized by obsessiveness, jealousy, possessiveness, and intense dependency, mania whitethorn be expressed as anxiety, sleeplessness, and loss of appetite, headaches, and even suicide because of real or imagined rejection by the desir ed person. Manic lovers are consumed by thoughts of their beloved and have an insatiable need for attention and signs of affection. alienation is often associated with low self- esteem and a poor self- concept.As a result, manic people typically are not attractive to individuals who have a strong self- concept and high self- esteem. LUDUS is carefree and casual love that is considered fun and games. Ludic lovers often have several partners at one time and are not possessive or jealous, primarily because they dont want their lovers to become dependent on them. Ludic lovers have sex for fun, not emotional rapport. In their sexual encounters, they are typically self- centered and may be exploitative because they do not want commitment, which they consider scary. * STORGE is a slow-burning, peaceful, and affectionate love that comes with the passage of time and the enjoyment of shared activities.Storgic relationships leave out the ecstatic highs and lows that characterize some other styles. Sociologist Ira Reiss and his associates proposed a wheel theory of love that generated much research for several decades. Reiss described four-spot stages of love rapport, self- revelation, shared dependency, and personality need fulfillment. In the first stage, partners establish rapport based on cultural backgrounds with similar upbringing, social class, religion, and educational level. Without this rapport, according to Reiss, would- be lovers do not have enough in common to establish an initial interest.In the second stage, self- revelation brings the bridge closer together. Because each person feels more at ease in the relationship, she or he is more likely to discuss hopes, desires, fears, and ambitions and to engage in sexual activities. In the third stage, as the couple up becomes more intimate, the partners interchangeable dependency in-creases They exchange ideas, jokes, and sexual desires. In the fourth and final stage, the couple experiences personality ne ed fulfillment. The partners confide in each other, make mutual decisions, support each others ambitions, and bolster each others self- confidence.Like spokes on a wheel, these stages can turn many times that is, they can be repeated. For example, partners build some rapport, and then go bad bits of them, then build more rapport, then begin to exchange ideas, and so on. The spokes may keep turning to produce a deep and unchangeable relationship. Or, during a fleeting romance, the wheel may stop after a few turns. Information taken from Marriages & Families Changes, Choices, and Constraints, Seventh Edition by Nijole V. Benokraitis My personal interviews with Nikki, Dan, Craig, Shon, Marcie and Kaitlyn.